I just finished my finals today.
I used to be very excited about crossing out the last subject on the exam timetable every year because that means you can finally go out and celebrate your effort after a whole month's dull study time.
However, this year is a bit different.
In case you don't know me in person, this year is actually the last year that I will be studying in Hong Kong. I will be going to England in the coming September to continue my high school, without formally graduating with friends in the same form. The decision of pursuing education overseas was from me, myself. This idea was initiated after attending a summer camp in Cambridge two years ago. The two-week oversea experience was exceptionally enjoyable and I was appealed to the interactive learning style and relaxing environment. After a lot of research and consultations, my parents agreed to send me abroad. So I eventually worked on applications for boarding schools in the UK.
I have been in my school for nearly 5 years. The moment I completed my very last exam today gave me incredibly mixed emotions. I was happy because I seemed to did my paper well. All those stay-up-late revision did not seem to have gone in vain; yet a wave of sadness swirled inside me (literally) as I realized a comma is to be placed on my school life in Hong Kong.
This might sound cliche, but this school, where I have spent most of my teenage years, is where I acquired knowledge, built self-confidence, gained friendships and experienced youth. But most importantly, this is a place where I was guided to find myself. I believe it must not be hard to understand what I mean if you have had one of the most carefree times - high school times, in life. I was not exceptionally excited for finishing my finals this year. I guess the reason is, potentially, I did not wish to uplift my emotion too much so that I will not fall apart so hard on the day when I have to farewell to my school. Oh, and also my friends, family, and Hong Kong, this place where I am brought up and where I call home.
Well, it is not like I am never coming back to hometown ever in my life. I will be visiting my family and friends again, of course. What makes me feel most uncomfortable about today is that, Mum decided that my younger brother will follow her to study in the UK, too. All these mean, everyone in the family, except my dad, will be going abroad. After being told about the changes of plan for almost a day, I genuinely still feel intimidated. I can never imagine everyone in the family leaving my Dad alone in Hong Kong...
I actually know many people who are experiencing the same situations too - family being separated because of work or study, but it just makes me feel like relationship within the family will become fragile. People may agree that the advanced technology today eliminates geographical restraints and people will still be able to maintain relationships through video calls or phone calls. Maybe I am a pessimist, but what I immediately come to my mind is eventually, people will get tired of this way of living. The time difference, for example, will definitely deter people from communicating as frequent.
I don't know why I am typing all these out but I am really confused at the moment. On one hand I am really looking forward to my new life; on the other hand I do not want to bear any sacrifices, especially within my family.
I am sure this will be fine later, but right now, I just need some time to...digest.
xxx
